the pendulum swing
An older, wiser man told me that making big decisions in life is like a pendulum swing. There are moments when you feel absolutely exhilarated and all is right in the world, and then a few moments later, you ask yourself, "what the crap am I doing?!" - second thoughts, doubts, and fear overwhelm.
There have been many moments like this in the past few weeks both leading up to this decision and even after moving and settling in a bit. While my convictions are still clear in coming here, a late night at the office or a dinner alone at a table of strangers in a curry pork chop over rice type dive can often feel unsettling and quite lonely even though the food is undoubtedly stellar.
New friends, new language, new job, new apartment, new city, new church - it all takes adjustment, adaptation and a staunch refusal to compare even though it's very much in my nature to do so.
The one thing I found refreshingly consistent is faith. I've gone to four different churches over the past few weeks, a variety of local and expats, congregants of varying denominations, yet something about the sentiment, warmth and love of the people is joyfully familiar. The fervent passion with which people sing even as I make poor attempts to join in with broken Cantonese although linguistically unfamiliar is spiritually refreshing. One minute, I'm thrilled to hear a familiar song and to have met some friendly faces, the next, I'm saddened when I open my eyes and realize that I'm not actually at a little auditorium in Midtown.
Tomorrow might be another pork chop dinner at a table of strangers, but I'm sure the pendulum will swing again.
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